How to let go of expectations

We all have expectations. There is no way around it. All my life I had expectations that kept me from living a life that I wanted. I expected a certain outcome. I expected people to behave a certain way. 

We have our own values, ways of doing things, experiences that shaped us, and those of course affect our life. Only because we do it a certain way, doesn’t mean everyone has to do it the same way. So what are expectations actually? And where do they come from?

You probably came here with the expectation to learn how to let go of expectations. Maybe you even imagined an outcome already. As you can see we are very quick in creating expectations.

Expectations are something that we want to happen in a certain way. It’s something in the future. Often it is something we can’t control, but we want to control it through our expectations. It involves a situation, a person or even ourself. We don’t like uncertainty and that’s where expectations come in. We want to predict what happens. But then we get disappointed if it doesn’t happen the way we imagined it. We get upset, sad or angry. And we also close ourselves from so many opportunities that are waiting for us. 

Our experiences shape our expectations. We have been in a particular situation, or relationship and now we expect every similar situation or relationship to be like that too. Good or bad. Our body experienced a situation, learned from it, integrated it and now we are acting out of that experience. Our emotions get triggered and we are going down that path of expectations.

Some people ask me: I have expectations when I enter a new relationship. Should I let them all go? Isn’t it good to have some expectations? There is a difference. You have values. Those are things that are important to you and that you need in a relationship. And that is good to have. Since that involves getting to know yourself and knowing what you want. Expectations involve the person. We expect the person to be and behave a certain way and that’s impossible. That way we are trying to control the outcome and the person again. We can communicate our needs and wants but we shouldn’t expect anything from someone else. 

There is also a difference between expectations and having goals. It’s good to have goals. But those shouldn’t turn into expectations. Goals are something you work towards. It’s about the journey. You take action to reach that goal. You are not expecting it just because that’s what you want. Goals allow for room and actions. 

But what happens when we let go of expectations? We open ourselves up for some many new opportunities, for things we might never would have imagined or thought about. There is so much to explore and to experience. So many things to discover, so many different ways to do things. So much we can learn from others and ourselves. So many new people we could meet, so many new things we could try. That’s a whole new world that’s opening up for you. There is so much growth if we let go of our expectations and open up to all the possibilities that are out there. How amazing is that??

So how do we let go of our expectations? If you know me you can probably guess it. It all starts with learning to relax. Because we need to become aware of our expectations and we can only do that and reflect when we are relaxed. A relaxed state is the key for letting go of our expectations.

1. Learn to relax

A deep relaxation state opens you up for more awareness. Once you become still you allow yourself some room to reflect and to notice your expectations. If you are stressed and busy you don’t have the time to change things and reflect. But once you slow down and you notice yourself and your body again, you can finally see what’s there.

2. Become aware and reflect

So once you are relaxed it’s about becoming aware of your expectations. Why did you feel a certain way? Where did that come from? Was that an expectation? If so what kind of expectation? Why did you expect that? You can write them down and journal. 

3. Finding the root cause

Now that you are aware of them it’s time to find the root cause of your expectations. When we find the root cause we can release it and let it go. This is the most sustainable way to let expectations go. What experience shaped your expectations, which emotions are getting triggered. 

4. Find balance

It’s all about the balance. It’s not about being perfect and not having any expectations anymore. Life is an up and down. We learn, and we grow and we become a better self. Once you are able to slow yourself down, it will be easier for you to be aware of your expectations. Whenever they arise you can reflect and let them go.